I was lying on a friend’s couch the other day falling in and out of sleep when I began to dream. My friend and I were on an island far, far away from civilization on a game show. We were playing a game where you drop a ball down a hole and it comes out the other end to score points. The goal is to win points to win the round and stay in the game. More than anything, I wanted to devise a plan to keep in the game. The problem was there were too many variables and no matter what we did, our future was in flux. My team was locked into a game of chance and not of skill and preparation. Just as it was my turn to drop my balls into a hole, my friend called out my name...

	Today I was at work listening to yet another person complain about how the government was failing to meet their needs. Then I realized that the person complaining and the government were both partially responsible. As many of us do, they were blowing smoke and that it was their nature to complain and expect life to change. As I often do, I opened my big mouth and this is how I responded...

	Wow, it’s been a busy summer for Momma! My website went live at the Rochester GLCS Pridefest in July. I’ve had a blast at Twin Cities Pride, La Crosse Pride and most recently at Mankato/South Central Pride. I enjoyed returning to Mankato and had the pleasure of making a new friend over there, right Mr. B? About two years ago, I was in an airport and I heard a voice form above. Now, maybe the voice was God, but I'm not sure. If it was, then I guess that God is a girl because that was one sexy voice I heard. Anyway, I was on my way to "Vegas" and you know "what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas." I swallowed my Godiva truffle when I heard from above...

	I was up to my elbows in a stack of jeans at a Bradlees store in Cape Cod, Massachusetts when I heard a high-pitched voice scream out my name. "Gosh Alice I would recognize that ass anywhere, girl!" After I massaged the ever increasing lump on my head that a shelf had given me, I peered around to see who that could have been. There I was, minding my own business, doing my job in boy drag when I saw the culprits. I could tell from the swagger that it was...

	Just the other day, I ran into a regular guy. What I really mean is that I actually knocked him on his ass. After I cleaned up his spilled skinny vente latte with a shot of vanilla, he asked me a question. Now, I know what you are all thinking, he didn't ask me the obvious, "Why don't you look where you are going?" He actually asked me, "Ms. Gosh why do you do what you do?" Normally, I would think the question to be a bit odd, but in this instance the attractive young gentleman happened to be a fan fully aware of my fundraising and volunteer activities. I'll sum up my life philosophy. In a word, life is about...

	I was sitting at a bar sipping a mojito when I heard a guy to my right say, "Well, you know it's true blood is thicker than water and that's why 'family' is so important." After I stopped choking on the mint leaf that had zoomed up my straw, I flipped around and this is what I said, "Oh right and how am I supposed to believe that load of horse $#&*. The real truth is that lipstick is quite a bit thicker than both blood and water and so is a girthy burrito from Chipotle, but that doesn't mean I love every tube of lipstick or that I dig it when...